The smells of Europe - ahhhhh - I mean the stench

July, 23 2010 - A stinky story

First off, think of something smelly, something revoltingly smelly - perhaps an over flowing outhouse. Perhaps the stock yards of Ogallala, Nebraska. Maybe rotting food roils your tummy. Whatever it is, think of it, really remember it, and then times it by 10. Now I will continue with my story. And pardon the soon to be obvious pun, but you can't make this shit up.

Chris was already in bed journaling and thanking God that her feet were finally up after 11 hours of stone streets and marble floors. Izzy and I had gone down to the library where they kept a computer, or you could take your laptop to get wi-fi. As hard as we tried to really vacation and "unplug," it is next to impossible and tantamount to torture for a 15 year old not to be "connected," so I tried to give Izzy time at each hotel to do her tech thing. Anyway, that's what she was doing, and I was journaling. I only purchased 30 minutes of connectivity for her, so we were done in a jiffy much to her chagrin.

Upon exiting the library there is the faint odor of feces - nothing troubling - we all live with people, and we all defecate, so it is a smell we are all accustomed to. Izzy asks, "Mom, what is that smell?" "We're in a hotel sweetheart. It smells like somebody needed to shit and shave, and the odor is seeping out from under a door." We continue down the hall to the elevator and the smell is getting a little worse. "Mom, that was some dump." "Sure is, wonder what they had for dinner?" Passing the stairwell now, "Holy shit! What is that smell?" We quickly get on the elevator and find relief with the closing of the doors. "What was that?" "I don't know, I don't know, what were the loud sounds in the stairwell? Sounds like some sort of construction work in the basement." Doors open and a wave of putrid stench (think dear reader, back to your chosen smell x 10) hits us like a brick wall!!! "Hurry, hurry, unlock the door. Get in the room, get in tHE ROOM, GET IN THE ROOM!!!" We are practically climbing over each other because we can't get in the room fast enough, and we shut the door only to find that there is no relief. The smell is slightly diminished in the apartment, but it is still wildly present. Knock on Chris's door "Can you smell that? What is that smell?" Izzy has run to our room to hide and I am doing that gagging thing like when you are trying to get something out of the back of your throat. Chris is laughing her arse off and gets out of bed and walks into the common living area where the smell then hits her. Ended her laughter I-tell-you. She immediately flies to the phone to call the front desk. "What is that smell??? It smells like burning poop."

I looked out the window and people were seriously running in the streets with their hands covering their noses and mouths.

Turns out the Uffizi is flushing/cleaning their sewer system. Which begs the question, "Where do they flush the sewage?" The Arno River is right across the street. I'm just asking.

The incident was funny - annoying at the time, but also hysterically funny. One thing I've learned from our European travel adventures is that you have to have a sense of humor or you would never go back.

Even with the Uffizi defecating on one of the nights we were there, I would still stay at this hotel again - I'd just make sure I knew the schedule of the Big Uffizi Shit before I booked.